Tales of the Parodyverse

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L!
Wed May 04, 2005 at 08:46:15 pm EDT
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A Semi-Transparent Lad Adventure #9: Masks
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Ben leaves his apartment early on Monday morning, he is going down to the FMRC building for a Seminar. It was suggested by Mr. Summers that the new recruits take some of them to "help them become more well-rounded meta-humans". Ben has been few seminars over the last couple weeks like Secret Identity 101: How to keep your friends & loved one's in the dark of what you've been doing, Introduction to Witty Banter, Advanced Witty Banter & a seminar on what to do when you've been reconned.

So, Ben left to go down to the Train Station, there was one this morning he wanted to go to. When he got there, Ben pays for his ticket (Ben's been using a part of his Gulp 'N Go paycheck to pay for Train fare), gets on the Commuter Express to Parodipolis & finds a seat. He buckles himself in, because the train uses an engine from Bautista Industries. The Engine hasn't yet to blow up once this year! The trip takes about an hour, by car the trip from Goth Haven to Parodipolis takes two to three hours. The Train sure beats the Bus!

The train leaves the station & starts it's journey. It goes a few miles down the coast, makes a few turns, it follows Interstate 666 for awhile, then goes through Dullard's Corner & Slumtown before making it's final stop at Parodipolis Central.

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Later that day & an hour into today's seminar...

Ben has really learned a lot from today's seminar, it is about masks. Also about why or why not to wear them. Mr. Summers is standing in the front of the room, beside a slide projector & in front of screen. The lights were out in the room.

"Now, that I've gone over the history of mask wearing. Here are some current examples of Meta-Humans with & without masks." Mr. Summers said. The slide changed to show a slightly blurry photo of a man wearing a red leather costume. In his hand is some type of mace & on his head is what looks like some type of decorated bucket.

"Shown here is a meta-human in the post-human style. From our observations, he calls himself Nitz the Bloody. We suspect that his mask is of an religious nature. What religion that is? I don't know." Mr. Summers & points to Nitz's helmet.

The slide changes to show CrazySugarFreakBoy in a stereotypical comic pose. "This picture was taken from his very own Website & is of longtime member of the Lair Legion, CrazySugarFreakBoy. He appears to have no mask, but the yellowness of his skin could be makeup. So, that would be a mask of sorts. Also, shown in some pictures of the Wired Wonder. Like the one coming up show them else that could be a mask." Mr. Summers said.

Then, the slide changes to a picture of CrazySugarFreakBoy & April Alice Apple. Mr. Summers points at a pair of Googles & says.

"These googles, which he calls his Gawker Googles," Mr. Summers said & then groaned. "obscure a part of his face. So, they may also be considered a mask. It all depends on your definition, for us it is anything to obscure the wearer's face."

The slides & it is a picture of Sir Mumphrey Wilton & his assistant, Asil. "Shown here is the current Lair Legion Leader, Sir Mumphrey Wilton." Mr. Summers said & pointed the gentlemen in the grey suit. Mumph was holding a pocket watch in his right hand.

"Now, Sir Mumphrey doesn't not display any of the normal meta-human tenancies: he doesn't wear a mask or a costume & has no apparent powers. So, should he be considered a meta-human?"

Mr. Summers was looking the darkness around for an answer, he was getting none. He turned up some of the lights, so he could see the new recruits. Most of them had fallen asleep by now. Only a few were awake & watching, Ben Hermes wasn't one of them. Mr. Summers cleared his throat, that did nothing. So Mr. Summers turned up all the lights, that got more of a reaction. The recruits started to awake & groan.

"I'll ask my question again: Should Sir Mumphrey be considered a meta-human?"

There was silence, then a hand shot up. Mr. Summers sighed a bit, because it was the same hand that answered all his questions & the person connected to the hand was one the people who was awake.

"Yes, Miss Garner."

"Well, It is given that Sir Mumphrey does not display any meta-human tenancies. But, his family has had a multi-generational relationships with the Meta-Human community. Also, from what little is written about the family, strange circumstances do seems to follow them. The current Wilton does mostly associate with a lot of meta-humans... " Dreama Garner said & continued to explain before Mr. Summers stopped her.

"That's all nice. But, is he a Meta-Human?" He asked.

"Yes, given his actions."

"Ok." Mr. Summers said, he turned back down the lights some it was easier to see the slides. He didn't turn the lights completely off, mostly because he could keep track of who was asleep & who wasn't.

"Here is another question."

Then, the slide changed. The current slide showed a class picture. It was of the Lair Legion Junior class of '04 (Ham-Boy, Kerry Shepherdson, Visionary, Gloary, spiffy, Harlagaz Donarson & Fashion Accessory, Glory).

"Is current teacher of the Lair Legion Junior, a clear knock off of this fine organization." Mr. Summers said, stopped. Then, said. "But, I'm getting off track. Is the Lair Legion Junior teacher, Visionary, a Meta-Human?"

Dreama raised her hand, again.

"Yes, Miss Garner."

"I'm not sure. He dresses like one, no non meta-human would dress like that. Maybe a clown would, but that's besides the point. He also appears to have to no powers, much like Sir Mumphrey & he is seen mostly with meta-humans like Sir Mumphrey. But, Sir Mumphrey pulls it off better, he has an air of heroics around him. Well, Visionary... I doubt he could even fight his way out a paper bag."

"This has all been documented, but is Mr. Visionary a Meta-Human?"

"Maybe. He could be one of the Legion's charity case, that would mean they keep him around because they fell sorry for him."

"All right."

The slide changed to show a picture of a man dressed in a full body black spandex suit.

"This man definitely is wearing a mask. Who can tell me who this is?"

Dreama's hand shot up, Mr. Summers didn't call on her.

"Oswald!" Mr. Summers said.

This scared the man in the winter themed costume. "Yes?"

"Can you tell us who this is?" Mr. Summers said as he pointed to the screen.

"Isn't that Goldeneyed?"

"Yes. This is the meta-human known as Goldeneyed. Why he calls himself Goldeneyed & not Goldeneyes is unknown. Special bonus question: Can anyone tell me if the man we see here is a Negro or a Caussian?"

Mr. Summers waited a few moments to let the students think it over. Then, someone said: "He's Black! From what I've seen & read, he's clearly a black man under that mask!"

"No, he's white! I think I read somewhere that he's from Canada & everyone knows there are no black people in Canada! So, he's clearly white under that mask." Said another.

This started a war of words between the people who thought Goldeneyed was Black & the one's who thought he was white. The war waged for a few minutes until Mr. Summers stopped it.

"Quiet down! No one actually knows what race he is off. Except for the Lair Legion & there not telling."

The slide changed to one of The Manga Shoggoth, he was wrapped up in bandages. The Shoggoth is also wearing a suit that makes it look like a oozing, bandaged Invisible Man. Before Mr. Summers could begin to talk about him, a question was asked.

"Uh, Mr. Summers." said a voice from the darkened room.

"Yes, James?"

"What about Dancer?" The man in the Goat inspired costume said.

"What about her?"

"She much like Visionary & Wilton doesn't wear a mask."

"Yes, your point?"

"If we can clearly see her face, why don't we know who she is ?"

Mr. Summers was about to answer, then stopped. He pondered the question for a bit. Then, said. "I don't know. I would seem that we would & should know her Identity by now, she has been around for a few years. But, some fact is keeping us from finding out. She may be using a magic spell to keep that fact from us or as is speculated with Fin Fang Foom is that she could altered her appearance when not costume. Another possibility may be that we may be looking to hard for the answer & it could be staring us right in the face."

Shortly after that, there was knock at the door. Mr. Summers turned on some of the lights & walked to the door. He opened it, saw who it was & said "Ah yes! "

He turned the lights up completely & said. "As promised, we has a small meal for you all. It has been provided by Mr. Papadopopolis & his diner, the Bean and Donut Coffee Bar."

A waitresses from the Bean & Donut wheels in a cart. The waitresses has brown hair & from her nametag, it could be seen that her name is Sarah. She goes around gives everyone some food. Once that is done, she leaves with the cart.

"All right, while you eat while get back to the topic at hand." Mr Summers says.

He then goes into his part of The Manga Shoggoth. "Now, the creature known as The Manga Shoggoth is a clearly non humanoid being & is of a clearly alien nature. It does not need a mask."

Mr. Summers sees a hand raise.

"Yes, Betty?"

"Is it male or female?" Betty asked.

"Were not sure if it has a sex. But, from information we have gathered on it, it clearly favors the male gender. So, I think it would be safe to call it a he."

The slide changed.

"Here, we have Ham-Boy. He wears a mask of questionable material. Can anyone tell me what it is?"

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After another hour of all the different types of masks within the Meta-Human community (They covered everyone form Hatman to Frogman). Some heated discussion was brought when Yo was brought up (Was Yo Male, Female or Both ?). Mr. Summers finally let the recruits go for the day. The next training meeting was in 5 days. Mr. Summers has promised a surprise, which from past "surprises" meant fighting robotic copies of super villains. After that announcement, everyone fills out of the room & back to there lives. Ben needs to get back home, so he can change & then get to work. He's covering a shift at the Gulp 'N Go for Roger Stanton.

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NEXT TIME: We see what Ben does with the rest of his day.

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FOOTNOTES:

A Special Writer's Note: For a more uniform cataloging, all STL stories are now under one number system. There is #0, which was the STL origin. #1 & 2 were the introduction of the supporting cast. #3, 4, 5 & 6 comprise what was called the FMRC Saga. #7 & 8 are the Wakandybarian Adventure. So, this makes this story #9! The FMRC stories will continue, but under this title & not under the FMRC Saga title.

The Train, The Train: Ben riding the train is a direct reference to Dancer's "Confusingly Bad Crossovers" story where Dancer, Messenger, Nitz the Bloody & Nats ride the train to Goth Haven to do super hero work. Go read the story, it's really good. In past stories, it has been seen that Ben rides the Bus from Goth Haven to Parrodipolis.

People you may not know: We've already seen Dreama Garner, she first showed up in STL #6. James is the hero also known as Billy Goat, he first showed up in STL #4. Roger Stanton is a Gulp 'N Go clerk that first appeared way back in STL #1. But, Oswald & Betty are new. Oswald, the man in the winter themed costume is also known as The Human Zamboni! Betty is also known as the Teen Avenger! More of these people & other's in Ben's group of FMRC recruits later.

This is actually only part of what I had planned for STL #9, but the rest of his day didn't seem to fit in with the seminar, so I split it up. The rest of Ben's day will be STL #10.


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